Hey! It's been a while.

     So many things happened to my life, but that's how it works. We do mistakes, learn from them and move on to become a better person.

     I thought of creating a new blog, but I just couldn't ditch this one away. I created this blog when I was still a kid. Although it's kind of embarrassing to read all the old posts, but hey, that was how I used to be. Embrace yourself and see how much you have changed.

     Today is my fifth day in France. I just moved here last Wednesday to continue my bachelor study in Sciences of Language. Although I'm still not used with the weather and transportation, but I could say that everything went well. A huge thanks to my seniors for helping us out a lot.

     Although I did face some discrimination and hate glare from some of the French people, got disturbed by a black guy and flirted by Arabians, I believe that there will be better days coming. I have to be strong and trust Allah. I'm not saying that all the locals here are mean towards me, just some of them. Back then in the store a French guy helped us to reach an item on a tall cabinet, and there was this guy who was about to hold me in the bus because I almost fell (but I succeeded in holding on to the pole by myself). See? Not everyone is mean. I comfort myself every time I have to face a rude person.

    Anyway, the scenery here is lovely. It is much different from the one in Malaysia, of course. Here, the buildings are very classic looking, with a bit touch of modern. The pigeons are fat, and there are a lot of cute dogs walking with their humans. The food from the restaurants that I've had so far have a big portion. The weather, is 16 degree celcius during day time, and can drop to 10 degree celcius at night time. It is late summer and early fall here.

Here are some photos:


                      At CROUS, the university residence in which I'm staying with my friends.












Hey, well..it's been a while. So, I have a topic here to talk about.

Birthdays.

Yeah, that's it. Tomorrow is my birthday.

and for the first time, I've decided to celebrate it alone.

I've made this decision back then a few months ago. I told myself, "okay this time let me celebrate it alone. I don't want truckloads of wishes, presents, people trying to amuse me, just me, yeah,"

Then I've been thinking and thinking...well, why..why I chose that.

Am I really feeling that lonely and sad?

Have I been sick of people around me?

or maybe, it was just me? Maybe I actually needed help?

All of these thinking I ached my head, they gave me anxiety, and I'm really, really not happy.

Well I still don't know what to do tmr. Let me just make it like a normal day. Or maybe I can write a long reflection to myself, and always, wish for the best.

But for sure, my phone is going to be on flight mode the whole day tmr :)
See ya again next time




     Hello, after a long time being quiet- trying to cope up with life, here I am again, spending time typing in my blog. This blog has stayed with me since I was 12, my weeb years, my sad and happy time, so I'm pretty sure that I will continue this blog in the future, so that I can see what kind of    person I was, in order to make a reflection of myself.

      Due to the long free time that I have atm (I'm on a semester break anyway), I've been watching a lot of 'Draw My Life' videos of Youtubers, Pewdiepie, Marzia, Smosh(Anthony), Dan Howell, Phil, etc. These videos kind of making me look back at how my life went so far.

      To be honest, I don't like the major I'm taking right now in university. I'm afraid in the future I might drop out of the uni. I have amazing friends there, so far, but I just don't study. I don't feel like myself. I just yolo in tests and exams, I did my assignments the night before the deadline, and hmph, don't ever think of revising.

     I knew from the beginning that, THIS is NOT me. I am not like this.

     And, to tell you the truth, I pretty much envy of my sister, who currently is studying the major she wanted-medicine. You know how great statuses medicine people got in the world, right? And moreover, she's studying in a private university, and my parents are paying for it. Everyone is keeping an eye on her, about how great she will become, how much money she's going to earn.

     People called me dumb for not fighting over what I wanted in life when I was choosing university. It's not like I didn't, but have your parents ever hit you for being disagree with them? Well, that's what happened to me, and I didn't even tell my siblings about this, about how my parents wanted me to take this scholarship which is not what I wanted at all. I'm tired of crying over this incident that happened to me 6 months ago.

     As soon as I entered uni, I never asked money from them. I did jobs doing art commission and got myself a few bucks, but on the other side, my sister, got money from my parents for about 1k a month.

     In the end they will never see my sacrifice because my career is for dumb people who wants ease in life and my sister's career is god-like and everyone should respect her because of her title.


I have never been as sad as this before.

and for the first time, depression hit me hard.






Decided to do this! Cuz I'm curious to see how my OC Kimi will look like in all of those~ @.@

(something that I quickly drew for one of the panels in my comic...This was in a rush orz)